Sry I called you an 8
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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