Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
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plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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