I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize