the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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