it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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