i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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