Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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