I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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