I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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