: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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