Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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