i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Shame - the story of my life.
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