oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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