Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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