Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
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I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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