I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize