i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize