Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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