just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
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You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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