Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize