Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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