did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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