dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize