i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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