every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize