...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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