Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize