just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize