When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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