I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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