he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize