I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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