Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize