so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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