I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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I have already put on my inside pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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