i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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