i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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