Even the bartender felt bad for me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize