Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize