1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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