ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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