dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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