I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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