i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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