You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
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every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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