Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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