it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize