i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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