Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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