I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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